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Need Help? :: Are you being abused?
- Here are questions to ask yourself to determine if you are being abused.
Does your partner:
- Constantly criticize you and your abilities?
- Become overprotective or extremely jealous?
- Threaten to hurt you, children, pets, family, or friends?
- Prevent you from seeing family or friends?
- Have sudden bursts of anger?
- Destroy personal property?
- Deny you access to family assets or control all finances and force you to account for what you spend?
- Use intimidation or manipulation to control you or your children?
- Hit, punch, choke, slap, kick, or shove you?
- Prevent you from going where you want when you want?
- Force you to have sex when you don’t want to and/or refuse to use a form of birth control?
- Humiliate or embarrass you in front of others?
- Minimize their behaviors and discount your feelings?
- Have to be with you all of the time?
- Threaten to commit suicide or hurt themselves if you leave?
- Follow you or show up uninvited?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, please contact your local domestic abuse shelter. They can help you determine your options and will assist you in:
- Available Options
- Developing a Safety Plan
- Creating an emergency kit that you can easily access
- Putting you in touch with other local organizations
What does a healthy relationship look like?
- Mutual Respect
Respect means that each person values who the other is and understands the other person’s boundaries. - Trust
Without trust, there’s no way to have a healthy relationship. Choose to trust in each other and give each other the benefit of the doubt. - Honesty
If you have ever caught your friend or dating partner in a huge lie, you know that it takes time to rebuild your trust in him or her. Always be honest. It builds trust and strengthens the relationship. - Compromise
You won’t always get your way. Acknowledge different points of view and be willing to give and take. It’s a bad sign when the relationship becomes a power struggle. - Individuality
You shouldn’t compromise who you are, and your identity should not be based on your boyfriend or girlfriend. Continue seeing your friends or doing the things that you love. Be supportive if your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to pursue new hobbies or make new friends. - Good Communication
Speak honestly and openly to avoid miscommunication. If you need to sort out your feelings first, your boyfriend or girlfriend should respect your wishes and wait until you’re ready to talk. - Anger Control
We all get angry, but how we express it can affect our relationships with others. Anger can be handled in healthy ways such as taking a deep breath, counting to 10, or talking it out. - Problem Solving
You can learn to solve problems and identify new solutions by breaking a problem into small parts or by talking through the situation. - Fighting Fair
Everyone will argue at some point, but those who are fair, stick to the subject, and avoid insults are more likely to come up with a possible solution. Take a short break if the discussion gets too heated. - Understanding
Take a minute to understand what others might be feeling – put yourself in their shoes. It can improve your communication skills, too. - Self-confidence
Having confidence in yourself can help your relationships with others. It shows that you are calm and comfortable enough to allow others to express their opinions without forcing your opinions on others to win an argument. - Being a Role Model
By modeling what respect means, you will inspire your boyfriend or girlfriend, your friends, and your family to model respect, too. Take every opportunity to give respect.
Know your dating rights
- To be treated with respect always
- To be in a healthy relationship
- To not be abused – physically, verbally, sexually, or emotionally
- To keep my body, feelings, beliefs, and property to myself
- To have friends and activities apart from my boyfriend
- To set limits and values
- To say no
- To feel safe in the relationship
- To be treated as an equal
- To feel comfortable being myself
- To leave a relationship
Know your dating responsibilities
- To determine my limits and values
- To respect my boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s limits, values, feelings, and beliefs
- To refuse to abuse – physically, verbally, sexually, or emotionally
- To be considerate
- To communicate clearly and honestly
- To give my boyfriend or girlfriend space to be his or her own person
- To not exert power or control in the relationship
- To compromise when needed
- To admit to being wrong when appropriate
- To ask for help from friends, family, and trusted adults
